The past few busy weeks ...

WOW, we've had a busy Christmas season!

To start it all off, the Mason Punchers won the football State Championship just a few weeks ago! We are all so very proud of the boys, coaches, & community! It's such an amazing accomplishment & they put in lots of time and work to get there, so CONGRATS!!! ... Michael is now in basketball season, coaching the boys JV team & helping with varsity. He's already busy with that, and of course, I definitley understand all about that. I'm just hanging out enjoying the break this year! ... A few days before Christmas, Michael surprised me with my present, for everything, of a beautiful cedar bed! I LOVE IT & I do have the MOST AMAZING husband I could've ever prayed for. He has been 'secretly' working on it for the past 1 1/2 yrs and had lots of help, so thanks to those of you who did help & who kept the secret!

Christmas time! -Bittersweet this year for us; we missed our sweet Maddex SO MUCH this holiday season, because it would've been our first with him. We know that he did have the best Christmas ever though, because he spent it with Christ! It has been a little hard sometimes to see friends & family getting to spend those precious moments with their blessings, especially the new babies, but we know that we've been blessed too in our own special way. Maddex did get some Christmas goodies though; mom & dad got us some ornaments that say: Mom, Dad, & my 1st Christmas. Michael and I decided to get Maddex some books that we can share with his little brothers & sisters, the Lord willing, one day soon. We wanted to get a book about an angel so that they will be able to share a story about an angel watching over people, just like Maddex will watch over them. -And of course, we got him a "First Christmas" book. (We still had to shop a little for him, even though he's in Heaven!)

The New Year! - ... is soon approaching. We pray this year that you will alll be blessed in 2012, and we also pray very special prayers that in this coming year, we will be blessed with a growing family here on Earth! We can't wait to see what this New Year holds!

Love to you all this holiday season, & cherish every moment with the ones you love! :)

Thanksgiving & the Holiday Season

Well, sorry I haven't updated our blog lately. I feel like we get so busy with football, school, and all the other things that I just sometimes forgot about this wonderful way of expressing all that's been going on.
... Our Mason Punchers are having a great football season. We just won a HUGE game against Ganado the 3rd round into the play-offs. (7-0, one of the best High School football games I've ever seen!) I couldn't be more proud of Michael and the amazing job he does, and I know our son Maddex is so very proud of his daddy too!
... I have been spending LOTS of time with family, which is ALWAYS good! I've gotten to watch Shaylee & Linsey play bball already this year, so that's more than I used to get to see. It's nice having bball season free to do those kinds of things, but I do miss those Wall Lady Hawks & the fun times we had working our tails off this time of year. Most weekends I stop by the cemetary and spend some time there changing out Mdx's decorations! I know he LOVES seeing them from Heaven, so I've definitely taken that on as my "mommy duty" & work on stuff for him any chance I get! ... His headstone has been placed, right next to "uncle t-dubs" (tanner's) & it is a beautiful representation of our little angel!
... This holiday season has already proven to be a little tough on us, me especially. Michael is always at football it seems, (which I'm SO GLAD they're winning & still going!) but it does leave me home alone, or even at family gatherings, quite a bit without him. That's very hard considering, at least in my opinion, that HoLiDaYs are/should be the most fun time of the year w/your children! I love holding, playing with, and loving on all my little cousins, but I think Maddex tugs a little at my heart each time I do. How we'd LOVE more than anything to have HIM here with us this holiday season, but God has a wonderful plan for our family that requires & allows him to be patiently awaiting us in Heaven. I know it's got to be the most amazing place to be, but we sure do miss him here on earth! ...
... We continue to pray that God will soon bless our family, again, with children here on Earth to share Mdx's story with. We appreciate your love, support, and continued prayers & we always pray that God blesses each of you in return! Happy holidays to you all & remember, we all have so much to be thankful for! ... God is good, all the time!

Life As We Know It

The past few weeks and months have seemed to go by faster and faster. As more time goes by, I believe that we are starting to think less about how long it's been since we've had Maddex here with us, and more about how much closer we are everyday to seeing him in Heaven. Our lives are getting busier all the time with football, school, UIL activities, and afterschool programs, and I think that has been a big help in our healing. It's so easy to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves and think about what we don't have, but it is so much better to stay busy and think about what great blessings are to come and to think of how wonderful it is that we got to hold an angel in our arms, and now in our hearts forever. As many of our friends and families' newborns are growing, having their babies, or getting farther along in their pregnancies, we're doing better and trusting that God will bless us with a growing family as well, in His time, and on His terms. We're working lots on patience and praying for His will to be done, and I really believe that in itself has given us a more optimistic perspective and is making it easier to handle. God is always good and will do great things for us all, we just have to keep the faith and know that He knows what's best for us!

Maddex's due date

Well september 23 has finally arrived! It's the day we had been looking forward to since our first doctors visit and sonogram when we found out Maddex was on his way! Now it has become the day we've anticipated to be one of the hardest on us. As we exist here on earth this September 23, with our dream and hope of Maddex physically gone after holding him for only hours months ago, we have great hope and inspiration to live a life worthy of being reunited with him in Heaven one blessed day. ... Meanwhile, it is incredibly difficult not to think what we would be doing with him at this exact moment in time, how much different our lives would be, and all the "might have beens". Please continue praying for our strength and comfort as your loving prayers will mean more than any of us know in the next few days. ... I've begun to realize that it's not why did this happen, or how did we get here, but how we respond and what we do for God as we endure this challenge.

Maddex, mommy and daddy love you more than you'll ever know!

September is a month of joy, and sadness. First of all, September happens to be the month that we lost my brother Tanner, 12 years ago on the 2nd. We miss you, love you, and will always remember you.
... But, this month also brings about football season, cooler weather, and getting closer to the holidays. We thought that it would be bringing us a baby, but as we sit here without him, it gets a little harder as we see friends and family member having their precious blessings, who were going to be just weeks and days apart from our Maddex. You'd think the beginning would be the hardest part; leaving the hospital without him, and knowing we weren't ever going to get to play with him, change his diapers, or stay up all night with him. But at that point, Michael had decided to become a christian, and that's what we focused on because Maddex helped to make that happen. But now, it's starting to seem that the hard part begins when everyone else is getting to enjoy those things with their September babies, as we have no physical sign left of ours. We are so, so thankful and happy for all of those babies and for all of those blessed mommy's and daddy's, but it's also hard to wonder why we aren't there too. We know, without a doubt, that we are blessed by God putting Maddex in our lives and he has changed us forever, we just really start to feel like we're missing out on all the beautiful amazing moments that we see in others' lives. We have our own precious memories with our son, that lots of people don't get to experience and we cherish those. We just trust, hope, and pray that God will soon bless us again with more children that we get to raise, teach, and grow old with here on Earth. September 23 was Mdx's due date, so with that coming up and and this being a tough month, prayers for our strength & hope, mine especially, are welcomed.
Thanks so much for your support, and give your babies, no matter how big or small, old or young, a special hug and kiss from their mommy/daddy, because there are some mommies and daddies who would love to do the same.

First day of Coaching/Teaching in Mason!

As most of you know, Michael and I both have new jobs where we are learning right along with the kids. Our teaching assignments are a little different than they were at Wall, but they are also great opportunities for us both to try something new and different! I had some GT planning and 8th grade technology today, while Michael got to try and tame some Pre-Kers in PE! :) He had several other grades too, but the Pre-K was the highlight, or challenge!
Being a coach's wife instead of being a coach myself, at least until the spring when I help with track, is different. It's good and I am not as busy, but I do miss athletics and being in and out of the gym and going outside to run. Now I spend lots of time just waiting around on Michael to be done. -Which is okay, because he loves what he's doing, and I'm all for that! ... Just seems strange because this time last year, I was telling Michael how I just couldn't wait to have kids so I would have some babies to keep me company & busy during football season while he was gone so much. We found out we were expecting Maddex and I was so excited that was coming true this year. I would be about to have Maddex, and then taking him to games to watch daddy coach. -Crazy how life changes! So, even though I've ironically found myself sitting at home alone again this year while the hubby's at football, I also have found the simple truth that we WERE BLESSED with a baby and I AM a mommy, and that has to serve as a comfort. I would love to have Maddex here to take to games, play with, or even change his dirty diapers, but God had another plan for us and we will just believe that plan will take us wherever God wills! -Plus, we know Maddex will be watching daddy every Friday night until we get to see him again! (& that's LOTS of football for him to learn about, & critique!) :)

Maddex's 2 months in Heaven

Maddex, Mommy & Daddy love you so much and you'll always be our sweet baby boy!

Mdx, you blessed and forever changed both of our lives on this date, 2 months ago and we are so thankful for you. You've taught us how to truly love, to be closer to God, and to have great hope for our futures and holding you again in Heaven one day.

Words cannot express how blessed, thankful, and honored we are to have such supportive family members and friends surrounding us. THANK YOU ALL! God has put all of you amazing people in our lives for times like this; you've supported us, comforted us, and encouraged us and that's just what God does for each of us as well. ... We couldn't ask for more than that!

"Stronger"

There is an incredibly beautiful and inspirational song by Mandisa that I feel has carried us through the past few months and would love to share with you. Sometimes, you hear a song and it seems like it's just describing your life's story at that point and time. -That's what this song has done for me. If you haven't heard it, I definitely recommend everyone checking it out on KLOVE, other Christian stations, or just looking up the lyrics.

... " When the waves are taking you under, hold on just a little bit longer, He knows that this is gonna make you stronger; the pain ain't gonna last forever, and things can only get better, believe me this is gonna make you stronger! " ...

This song and I seem to have a history, and so I think of Maddex every time I hear it, and it encourages me. The hospital where I see my doctor is amazing; they always have a christian station playing while you wait to be seen. This particular day, was June 14, 2011. As Michael and I sat there waiting, it seemed to take forever for the doctor to come in that day. "Stronger" by Mandisa came on the radio and as I listened to the words, I kept thinking: "God, why is this song playing right now? Why it telling me that this is going to make me stronger? Is this supposed to be preparing us for something?" ... I was feeling a little uneasy about it all, but I didn't want to let Michael see that so I just listened and waited. Moments later, when our doctor came in to get Maddex's heartbeat, we found out that there was no longer one, and he had already gone to Heaven to be with his maker. I really do believe that God used this song to prepare me for the unexpected and to let me know it was going to be okay, and I should just trust in Him. Now, every time I hear it, I think of that excruciating time in our lives, but I also think about how God was already taking care of us and Maddex, and about His promise that this too will make us stronger.
Oddly enough, about 2 weeks later my good friend Sarah sent me a text about a song that reminded her of our family and what we were going through; she wanted me to check it out because she knew it would be an encouragement to us. ... Guess what? -Same song! ... I told her the story of God using that song in our lives, and it's so cool that she was sharing it with us in the same way.

It's just a reminder that as tough as things may get in our lives, whether it be loss, work, health issues, relationships, or whatever else we may struggle with, God knows that this is going to make us stronger.
I feel so blessed that we all share this same hope in Him!

New Beginnings

God really does work in mysterious ways! ...

We've learned more and more about that in many different areas of our lives in the past 5 weeks. As most of you know, we were happily coaching & teaching in Wall, Tx. If you don't know much about that place, or have never heard of it, it's amazing!!! We were both given the opportunity to work, learn, and grow there right after graduating from college and I couldn't imagine a better place to start our careers. We've made many great, life-long friends in our time there, as well as growing to love our students & athletes that we were blessed to coach and teach. The community welcomed us into their 'family' from the moment we came in, and we could never express how much we love them and how much they mean to us.

But, as much as we did love Wall, and always will, we were given job opportunities back around our hometowns in Mason, Tx. We weren't expecting to go anywhere, and definitely weren't looking to leave, but we feel that God has opened a door for us. We had a chance to move back home to our families, and that is what really means the most to us right now with losing our sweet baby Maddex. As much as we've have been supported by everyone, it's always encouraging & strengthening to be around your family. So, we've have made that incredibly hard decision, but we are looking forward to being in Mason with Michael coaching and me taking a 'coaching break' and just teaching. We'll be so much closer and will have the chance to watch our little cousins play sports, be close to family, ride horses, and take pictures (for me). So instead of finding us in the middle of the cotton fields, you can now look for us in the Texas hill country!

We pray that God will bless our decision and our 'new beginning'.

1 Month!

1 month ago today, we were blessed to give birth to our perfect little angel Maddex. WOW, how our lives have & continue to change since then. It seems strange to think of it as his 'birthday' because those are usually celebrations of life, and Maddex didn't have that here on Earth, but it is the 'birth' of his welcoming into Heaven, and of Michael and I becoming parents. It's a sad day, but also an amazing day, because we are parents to a perfect son, a perfect child, a perfect gift from God and we know that will help us to be even stronger, more appreciative parents when we have more children here on Earth.
Baby Maddex, we love you and miss you more than you can imagine, but you are always & forever in our hearts! Thank you for teaching us so much about faith, hope, & love in such a short amount of time!

Our Journey

The past few weeks for the McLeods, and their families, have been quite a roller-coaster. As we were awaiting the arrival of our first child, Maddex, we found ourselves in the most difficult situation of our lives thus far. We went in for our 6 & 1/2 month check-up and couldn't find Maddex's heartbeat. A sonogram informed us that he was no longer with us, and our lives seemed to unravel. So many months of planning, preparation, excitement, and now it was all changed. We did what we had to do, which was give birth to our sweet baby boy knowing that we couldn't take him home, because he was already at Home in Heaven. We never got to hear his cries, see his eyes open, or watch him take a breath, but we did experience the greatest blessing and miracle of life that we've ever seen from God in our little boy.

We have learned that burrying a child is one of the hardest things to do, but for us, we have the certainty that our sweet baby is in Heaven, and that's a comfort knowing that he's in the arms of Jesus. I recently read on a blog of a family that went through a similar situation, "how amazing is it that when your son opened his eyes for the first time, the face he got to see was Jesus!?!" ... WOW, I thought, that is incredible and better than anything we could've ever given him here on Earth. With that said, it is still so hard to not think about him not being here, or still growing in my belly, and hard not to think of what might have been. All we can rest on and trust in, is that God has an amazing plan for our family, and Maddex was a huge part of that plan, and always will be. Our trust, hope, faith, and strength is in Him and he will see us through.

Support, encouragement, & comfort! - We've had no lack of those at any point! We, without a doubt, have the most amazing families, friends, and communities that a family could ask for. So much support and encouragement has been given to us through visits, cards, gifts, food, donations, love, and prayers that we could never express the blessings and gratitude that have been poured out for us. We thank you all so much for that, we pray God will bless you in return, and we love you!

Blessings! - Our first blessing was receiving baby Maddex, definitely one of the biggest of our lives, but we've also received another huge one because of him. ... After years and months of thinking about it, Michael made the best decision of his life by giving himself to God in baptism, on Father's Day, just 2 days after we said goodbye to our precious son. He says it's all because of Maddex, and that is the lesson that he taught his Daddy. His faith is amazing, and has helped carry me in many instances over the past few weeks. We are growing together in faith, hope, and love, and that is truly a blessing from God!